


Who Says Love Can't Kill?

by AnjaWritingsx



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Boys In Love, Confused Magnus, Dandelions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Forget-Me-Not, Hanahaki Disease, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Magnus, Sad Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 22:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18019754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnjaWritingsx/pseuds/AnjaWritingsx
Summary: Alec was thirteen when he first heard about the Hanahaki Disease, due to a girl on his school suffering from it because she had a crush on him.Five years later, Alec himself was the victim of the disease and struggling to repress his feelings for Magnus Bane.





	Who Says Love Can't Kill?

**Author's Note:**

> Note: in this AU Jace's parents are alive and therefor has not been adopted by Maryse and Luke.

_**Hanahahaki disease** _

_**An illness born from unrequited love, where the patient’s throat will be filled up with flowers and petals, they will then proceed to throw or cough up the petals. The disease can only be cured if the said person returns the feelings or it can be removed by operation although the persons feelings will disappear along with the feelings.** _

Alec was about thirteen, years old when he first had heard about the disease. There had been a girl that had a crush on him, not that he was aware of that, the only thing he was aware of was that she kept coughing and sometimes even saw blue flower petals in her hand after a coughing fit. He had gone to his parents and asked if it was possible for people to cough up flowers.

Maryse and Luke shared a look before asking him is he was the one that coughed up flowers.

“No, not me,’’ Alec had answered with big eyes. “But there’s a girl in my class that does it a lot when I am around her.’’

It was then that Maryse had carefully explained what it meant and that the girl most likely had feelings for him.

“But I am her friend!’’ Alec piped up.

His mother smiled sadly and ran her hand through his hair. “Unfortunately that’s not how it works, love. But don’t worry, I think she’s going to be okay.’’

At this age Alec already knew he didn’t really like girls but had his eyes on boys instead. His parents and siblings were able to calm him and comfort him when one day he had come downstairs in tears and told them he liked boys. Maryse and Luke told him that there was nothing wrong with that and that they were proud of him and loved him.

His two sisters -Well, Clary was actually his stepsister and Luke his stepfather but they were so close that he saw them as his real father and sister- threw themselves at them in a big group hug, refusing to let go until their big brother was laughing. Alec had felt so lucky to have such an understanding and loving family.

Still he never really had feelings for a boy, he wasn’t really looking for a relationship. When he grew older and was in his senior year they met their new friend Magnus Bane.

When he was thirteen, he didn’t understand the disease. Now, since he was eighteen and had met Magnus, he understood perfectly how annoying and devastating at the same time this disease was. It was a constant reminder that the person he loved never would love him back.

There was a growing itch in his throat, wincing as he cupped his mouth and started coughing. He felt the petals leave his mouth, hands trembling violently as he opened them after his coughing fit, tears swelling in his eyes.

There in his palms were yellow petals. Petals of Dandelion flowers to be specific.

Magnus’ favorite flowers.

* * *

“Alec! Let’s go!’’

A deep, sleepy rumble came from the curled up mass under his duvet. He heard the door of his room open followed by the sound of his sister Isabelle’s heels clicking against the ground. “Come on, big bro. You can’t hide under there forever.’’

“I’m sick.’’ Alec fake coughed.

“No, you’re not.’’ Isabelle huffed as she yanked the blankets off of him, ignoring the yelp of protest. “By the angel, get dressed. Maia is picking us up in half an hour.’’

Before her brother could start complaining again she marched out of his room, leaving him to get ready. Grumbling, Alec slowly got out of bed, getting dressed and moving his long fingers through his messy bed hair, which resulted in it being even messier.

When he came down a few minutes later he saw Clary washing her plate. Her green eyes lifted up to look at her step-brother and smiled, tossing him an apple. “Maia’s on her way.’’

Alec bit on his apple. “Iz informed me, yes.’’

“Ah! You’re up, finally.’’ _Speak of the devil_ , Alec thought as he rolled his eyes. Isabelle pulled her hair up in a ponytail. “You always used to be excited to go to school, especially when you thought of senior year. What’s wrong, Alec? You know you can always talk to us.’’

He heard the worry in her voice and he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Even since he had feelings for their friend Magnus and started coughing up the flowers, he let his friends and family believe that everything was alright. Whenever he would feel the familiar itch in his throat he would hide in the bathroom or in his room, saying he didn’t feel so good. So no one really knew.

“I’ve just been feeling a bit off lately.’’ Alec mumbled. “But I’ll be fine, Iz. Really.’’

Deep brown eyes eyed him firmly, as if it would show on his forehead what was wrong with him. The tension was thick between the two siblings, Clary’s eyes flicking back and forth between the two.

A horn being beeped came from in front of their house and Isabelle was pulled from the stare competition. “She’s here already, come on guys.’’ Clary and her grabbed their school bags, heading out the door. Alec finished his apple, grabbed his bag and walked out the front door, locking it behind him, then jumping in the back seat next to Clary.

“Hi Maia!’’

“Good morning sleepy head.’’ She chuckled as she glanced at Alec in the rear-view mirror. “Your hair looks like a birds nest.’’

Alec rolled his eyes with a snort, gazing out the window as the girls started up a conservation. Trees and houses rushed by as they drove past them. The sky was a beautiful blue color with a few clouds, the sun shining brightly down on the world. Alec loved Spring, the smell of the flowers, the temperature slowly rising, the birds singing their songs like there was not a care in the world. When they cruised past a field of dandelions Alec tightened his jaw and looked away.

About ten minutes later they arrived at the high school, Maia skillfully parked her car and the siblings got out with her. Alec saw how she immediately made her way over to Isabelle’s side, sliding her hand in hers. His heart ached and looked down at the ground. He was happy his two sisters found their loved ones but he just wished his crush would look at him and realize he was right there in front of him. He just wanted to get rid of this damned disease.

“Alec!’’ Clary hooked her arm through his. “Are you ready? The others are waiting for us.’’

“Oh, yeah. Right.’’

They walked up to Maia and Isabelle who were waiting and together they walked up to the school, Simon Lewis and Jace Herondale waiting by the entrance.

The smile on Clary’s face is blinding when she saw her boyfriend and pulls herself free from Alec, all but running to throw herself in Jace’s arms.

“Hey, guys.’’ Simon greeted them cheerily. “You’d think Jace and Clary hadn’t seen each other in ages.’’

“Yeah,’’ Maia snickered and squeezed her girlfriend’s hand. “Thank god we are not that bad.’’

“Bad as who?’’

Alec tensed up when he heard that melodic voice coming from behind him. He felt the familiar tingle in his throat but tried with all his might to swallow it down.  
Isabelle turned around and hugged Magnus tightly. “Magnus! So good to see you!’’

“It’s good to see you as well, my dear.’’

Magnus met Alec’s gaze and smiled warmly at him, causing the other his heart to go into overdrive.

“There you are!’’ The sound of fast clicking heels approached them. A beautiful girl, Camille Belcourt, snaked her hand around Magnus’ neck and kissed him square on the mouth.

Panic washed over Alec like a tidal wave, heart pounding fast and loud. The itch in his throat came back ten times it’s usual force and he almost struggled to breathe. “I-I need to go.’’ He forced out before all but sprinting into the school, ignoring the shouts of his friends.

His feet carried him as fast as he could to the nearest bathroom. Which, thankfully, was empty. He hurriedly slammed the door open, the bang echoing off the walls. He dumped his bag and grabbed one of the sinks, bowing his head as he gagged, petals and flowers pouring from his lips and falling down into the sink. Alec coughed a few more petals up, heaving heavily afterwards. He gathered the petals and flowers with pale, trembling hands and threw them into the bin. Then turned the faucet on and splashed some water in his face.

Alec’s hazel eyes stared at himself via the mirror and with a heartbreaking scream, he hauled his fist back and punched the mirror. The pain that flared up in his hand was enough to finally let the tears fall.

Cradling his sore and bloody hand to his chest as he slid down to the wall, sobs of pure heart ache filling the silent bathroom.

* * *

Simon watched Alec walk into the English lesson, head bowed and didn’t make eye contact with his friend as he slid into the seat next to him.

“Dude,’’ Simon whispered, leaning closer to him. “You look like you’re going to be sick. Are you alright?’’

“Fine,’’ Alec whispered hoarsely.

He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want any one to know especially not Magnus. Anxiously he tapped his leg as he thought about his only other option to get rid off this hideous disease.

There were two ways for this disease to go over, the person you have feelings for reveals that they feel the same way. The other way is to go through surgery to remove it but also the feelings for the person would disappear. All of a sudden he was reminded of the poor girl that had a crush on him five years ago, vaguely remembering her coughing up blue petals.

“Forget-me-not,’’ Alec whispered. His favorite flowers. The girl had gone through with the surgery and never even payed attention to him again.

“What?’’

Oh, right. Simon was next to him and could hear him. He noticed that he stared curiously as his friend and could feel his cheeks flush red. “Forget-me-not… Are my favorite flowers.’’ He chuckled weakly.

“Really? That’s pretty cool! My favorite flowers are daisies. Oh, or tulips! Those are so pretty and colorful.’’

A smiled pulled on Alec’s lips as Simon started rambling about which kind of flower he liked best. Sometimes his friend could be nosy, sarcastic and talk so much that it got annoying but Alec still loved his friend dearly, anyway.

Gently he kicked the rambling boy in the shin. “The teacher is giving you the stink eye.’’ He smirked.

Simon followed his gaze, shrugging his shoulders. “She loves me anyway.’’

Alec surprised himself when he a loud laugh slipped past his lips, slapping a hand over his mouth a little too late. The students all turned their heads to see what was going on, all eyes on the now turning red tall, dark and handsome man.

“Mr Lightwood,’’ The teacher huffed and adjusted her glasses. “Would you like to tell us what’s so funny?’’

“No ma’am.’’ He mumbled, sliding down in his chair, glaring at Simon who was desperately holding his snickers in. He just wanted to disappear in the ground.

Half an hour the bell rang, students quickly gathering their stuff together and making their way out of the room. Simon waited patiently for his friend, offering him a big smile. Alec gave him a lopsided smile in return, together they walked to the cantine, chatting and laughing together.

The cantine was filled with students crawling and moving around like ants. Still Alec was able to spot Magnus with Camille without an issue, throat immediately itching again. Alec cursed to himself.

“I’m going to find Clary, okay?’’ Simon’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. He nodded. “I’ll be right back.’’

“Hey, you.’’

Not even a minute after Simon went and left to look his sister he heard Magnus’ voice coming from behind him.

“Magnus!’’ The taller man of the two jumped. “You scared me.’’

Magnus chuckled. “Sorry about that. I thought I’d come and say hi. And,’’ he seemed to hesitate. “I wanted to see if you were okay. You acted weird this morning.’’

His heart betrayed him by skipping a beat at the worry in his friend’s voice but at the same time he could feel the urge to cough coming up. “I, uh,’’ Damn it, now he was blushing as well. “I am doing just fine, Magnus. I just didn’t feel so well, I um, am kinda feeling feverish.’’

Deep brow eyes scanned his features, Alec slowly growing anxious. There was an emotion swimming in his eyes that he couldn’t place. It was as if the tension grew and at that moment he started to cough, hands flying up to his mouth to catch the petals before Magnus could see them.

His coughing fit seemed to convince the shorter man that he really might be feverish. He placed a hand on Alec’s arm and gave him a warm smile. “I hope you feel better soon, Alexander. Maybe we could hang out and catch up when you feel better?’’

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.’’

Simon came back and slapped his tall friend on the shoulder. Something had shifted in Magnus’ eyes, hand dropping back to his side, a forced smile on his face. “I need to go back. See you guys, later.’’

“Later, Magnus.’’ Simon called after him cheerily.

“See you.’’ Alec mumbled, crushing the petals in his fist.

* * *

It’s said that eventually the Hanahaki disease will kill you if nothing is done about it. Some people last a few weeks, others months long. For Alec it had been a few weeks now and aside from the coughing and throwing up petals had gotten slightly worse, he was holding on.

At least he was until the faithful evening where they were having a movie night with Jace, Maia, Magnus and Simon joining them. Magnus had been gloom, he and Camille had entered a rocky stage in their relationship and spend more time with Alec which contributed to his feelings getting stronger and thus the disease slowly getting worse.

It was during the movie that he got another big coughing fit, launching himself off the couch and all but sprinted into the kitchen. Alarmed, Isabelle and Clary had followed after him, leaving their friends stunned before Jace followed right behind.

When he entered the kitchen he wasn’t expecting what to see but it wasn’t Alec dry heaving by the kitchen sink, worry painted over Clary and Isabelle’s faces.

“Hey, buddy.’’ Jace said in a low voice, carefully stepping closer and patting him on the back. Just then Alec started coughing again, more petals falling from his mouth. “Oh… Oh shit…’’

Clary turned to him with wide green eyes, fear shining through. “Baby, could you maybe guide Simon, Maia and Magnus out? Don’t tell them what’s going on, especially not Magnus?’’

Her boyfriend nodded, kissing her on the forehead, then going back into the living room to guide Simon, Maia and Magnus out, offering to drive them back home.

Alec sunk down the cabinets, tears streaming down his face. He pulled his knees to his chest, tugging on his hair. “Why do I have to go through this?’’ His voice was hoarse and croaked as he spoke. “Why do I have to fall in love with someone who would never love me?’’

Isabelle swallowed her own tears as she moved to sit down next to him, he needed her to be strong right now. She pulled him into a hug, stroking his dark locks as her big brother broke in her arms. Clary joined them, her tiny arms wrapping around her brother and sister, trying her best to comfort them both.

“I can’t live like this anymore,’’ Alec whimpered. His sister’s stared at him. “I need to get rid of this hideous disease.’’

“You mean…’’

Alec looked up with red hazel eyes, wet streaked cheeks up at his two sisters. “Will you guys call in for school so I can go to the hospital tomorrow evening?’’

“Alec,’’ Clary said breathlessly. “But that means you will lose your romantic feelings for him.’’

“I’m aware. But it’s something that needs to be done.’’

His sisters had some issues with his decision but knew at the same time that they couldn’t change his mind nor do they even know what it’s like to go through this. So the next morning Clary asked Maryse and Luke to call the school.

Their parents had been apprehensive at first but upon almost seeing Alec having a panic attack his mother hugged him tightly.

“Alec, my love, look at me.’’ Alec sniffled and stared his mom in the eyes. “If you really want to do this then I will go with you. Luke will call the school but you need to be a hundred percent sure.’’ Maryse cupped his face. “Once it’s gone, you can’t go back.’’

Alec nodded, seeking comfort in her arms, glancing up at Luke when he squeezed his shoulder. “I’m sure, mom.’’

“Then we’ll do it,’’ Luke reassured him and ran a hand through his hair. “We will always support you, no matter what.’’

Luke drove Isabelle and Clary to school while Maryse took Alec to the hospital.

Isabelle unbuckled her seat belt before turning to her father. “Let us know when it’s done. Keep us up to date okay?’’

Luke kissed her forehead. “I promise, kiddo. Now you two go and don’t worry about it too much.’’

Linking their arms together the two girls made their way onto the school ground. Maia and Jace quickly walked over to their loved ones, pulling them in their arms, Simon hugging them after.

“So.. What time is it going to happen?’’ Maia asked her girlfriend, squeezing her hand gently.

“Around an hour.’’ She sighed restlessly. “I just want this day to go fast so we can go to him.’’

Running footsteps came closer to the group of friends. They turned to see Magnus standing there, out of breath. “Is it true?’’ He panted hurriedly. “Isabelle, is it true?’’

“Is what true?’’

“Alec. That- That-’’ Magnus fumbled over his words as he still tried to catch his breath. “That he’s in love with me, has the Hanahaki disease and is getting it removed. Is it true?’’

Isabelle’s brown eyes widened. “How did you-’’

“He just send me a long text. Please, Izzy.’’ He begged her. “Is it true?’’

“Yes. Yes, it is.’’ Clary whispered. The group eyed him with a worried look as the shorter man turned pale.

Magnus dropped his bag and then sprinted off the school ground like lightning.

“Wait! Magnus where are you going?!’’

“To the love of my life!’’

The hospital was about half an hour located from the school. Magnus’ lungs were on fire as he ran down the streets as fast as he could. He had been oblivious, Alec had been in love with him all the time while he had wasted his time with Camille.

When he woke up this morning with a long text from him saying that he had been in love with him and that, due to him not feeling the same way, had the Hanahaki disease and with pain in his heart had decided to get it out with an operation. There was one sentence that kept replaying in his head. _Although the operation will take my feelings away, deep down I will always love you._

It was as if reality had slipped in place, everything made sense,. Why he could get lost in his gorgeous hazel eyes, the way his heart would beat faster whenever he was close to him. Magnus wished he had understood his feelings sooner.

He burst through the doors off the hospital, leaning over as he struggled to breathe. He felt his throat constrict and started coughing violently. Wincing he pulled something from his mouth. A blue petal rested in his palm. A blue petal from the forget-me-not flower. “No,’’ He panted. “No, no. Please, no.’’

At the end off the hall he saw Maryse talking to a nurse, then a door being opened and a bed being pushed to the elevators. Magnus recognized that messy hair from anywhere.

“Alec!’’ Magnus took another sprint, Alec’s mother turning her head to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “Please! You need to stop them. Maryse, I’m begging you.’’

“Darling you need to listen to me.’’ She tried to calm him.

“No, please listen to me.’’ Magnus begged her. “I’m in love with him and I have been an idiot. You can’t let this happen. Please, I can’t lose him.’’

At his confession Maryse’s eyes widened, told Magnus to stay put before going after the nurses that were taking Alec to the operation room.

Magnus could only hope she would be on time.

* * *

Alec very slowly blinked his eyes open, closing them against the harsh light. He wanted to bring his hands to his eyes and rub in them but that was when he noticed that someone was holding on to his right hand. He blinked his hazel eyes back open to see Magnus sitting there, stroking the back of his hand. His heart started beating faster and panic washed over him. Did the operation not work? Alec whimpered.

Magnus’ head shot up, deep brown eyes meeting hazel ones. “Hey, hey. It’s alright, Alexander.’’ He told him gently, placing a hand on his shoulder. “It’s alright.’’

“How come I still-’’

Magnus’ hand moved up to stroke his cheek tenderly. “I managed to get here in time and stop them.’’

Alec was confused. “Why would you-?’’

“I’m in love with you, Alexander. And I’ve been such an oblivious idiot. I didn’t even realize I was hurting you when I was with Camille. God Alexander, I am so sorry.’’

“But… What about Camille?’’

Magnus shook his head. “We broke up yesterday night, I couldn’t handle how dramatic she was. Then I thought about the other day at school with you and Simon and I thought that maybe you two were a thing-’’

Alec’s heart went into overdrive. Magnus was in love with him. _Magnus_ was in love with _him_. He watched as he was still rambling, a big grin slowly pulling on his face. Alec smiled and squeezed his hand. “Hey,’’ He said with a soft whisper and pressed his finger against his soft lips. “Just come here.’’

Ever so gently he tugged him closer by hand,placing a hand on his golden skinned neck, pulling his head down until their noses were touching, lips an inch apart. Hazel eyes silently asked him if it was okay. Magnus tilted his head and brushed their lips together.

Alec keened in the back of his throat and kissed him back, hands sliding in his hair, feeling those soft and dark locks gently between his fingers and tugging gently. Magnus kissed him thoroughly, playfully nipping on his bottom lip, causing Alec to giggle and break the kiss, his lover laughing and rubbing their noses together affectionately.

“By the way,’’ Alec chuckled. “There is nothing going on between me and Simon.’’

Magnus just rolled his eyes fondly and kissed him again, softer and gently this time.

“I love you, Magnus Bane.’’ Alec whispered, eyes shining with so much love that Magnus couldn’t breathe.

“I love you, Alexander Lightwood.’’

Never in a million years had Alec thought the guy he was in love with would love him back but he was the happiest with Magnus he ever was. When they had left the hospital together and made their way onto the school ground hand in hand.

Isabelle and Clary were the first to notice them, a hopeful look in their eyes. “Hey! Alec, you’re back!’’

He laughed loudly as his sisters threw their arms around him. Alec tugged them close and kissed both their heads. “I’m glad to see you both.’’

“So,’’ Maia smirked at Alec and Magnus. “I think everything ended well?’’

The two lovers shared a look before Alec slipped his hand in Magnus’ one, fingers intertwining immediately. “We are just fine.’’

“Better than fine,’’ Magnus said and leaned to kiss his blushing cheek. “We’re perfect.’’

Alec’s hazel eyes sparkled happily, leaning his head on his shoulder and let him wrap him up in a tight hug. Magnus smelled safe and warm and closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of content.

Everything was perfect.


End file.
